We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
