Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
