I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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