Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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