My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
