Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can you bring me the toilet please
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
