somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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