Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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