I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
