Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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