you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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