it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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