Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
