does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
