clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
