I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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