If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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