I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
