What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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