FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
