I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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