even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
