Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
