Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
