I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
