it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
