wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
