Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
