don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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