im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
