It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
