Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
