She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
