Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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