She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
