So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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