I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
