So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
