You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
