You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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