the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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