the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
