right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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