i was born a porn star she said
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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