would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
