I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
