I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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