Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
