some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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