Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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