forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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