I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
