This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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