He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
